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lqbtqia reality check gay queer tw mentions of abuseīasically, all of the major players from ‘S’ are deities in a pantheon. Let’s fight on the battlefield, and when we come home to each other, let’s just focus on bandaging up our wounds so we can go out and win the war. That’s like washing the dishes in a house that’s on fire, kids. Don’t just log on to your safe space and attack your allies over small missteps. And we don’t have time for that, not when trans women of color are being murdered every day, not when states are still fighting against marriage equality, not when there are politicians in office who believe that trans people are possessed by demons, not when we’ve just lost 50 brothers and sisters to one gunman, not when the media won’t even admit that the attack was homophobic. Attacking your would-be allies via anonymous asks is just going to lose us ground in the long run. When you have the opportunity to protect people from real harm. And I’m certainly not saying that your anger doesn’t have a good place - when you are met with bigots on the street, congress members who want to pass hateful laws, violent protesters, abusive parents, prejudiced teachers, that is when you need to be a warrior. When it comes to comes to your allies, forget the “social justice warrior” mentality and put down your torch. I am begging you, stop nitpicking “problematic” things and start directing your efforts to create real change. Others are feeling nervous and estranged, and it’s largely because of places like Tumblr, where the social justice movement is quickly becoming violent and radical. Members of our own community are being ostracized. Maybe someone is just asking a question, wanting to learn more. Maybe someone called a trans man a trans woman because they’re confused about terminology, but the post where they did it was voicing support for the trans community. Maybe the word “queer” bothers you, and you see a gay man using it as an umbrella term. Don’t go after one another over every little thing you find problematic. We are met with enough hate in our daily lives to enter an online safe-space and meet more hate from our own, over petty things. Here’s the part where I finally make a point, and it might be extremely unpopular - but guys, value your allies. The dynamic here does not reflect the dynamic out there. Three of those, I didn’t know, but I knew Alex, the 19 year old who was fag-dragged in Kentucky and died a day later in the hospital, and I knew Stephanie, who went home to Alabama to care for her mom in hospice and was beaten to death with a baseball bat by her mom’s boyfriend. Some couldn’t make it anymore, because they were staying at the shelter, where their stay hinged on them agreeing to instead to attend homophobic sermons. Within the year, the group was half the size it had been.
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When I joined, 40 people attended regularly. I joined a support group for trans and intersex people. One of my uncles had cornered me at Thanksgiving when I was 17 and said, “I’m not going to judge you, but I’d be happy to break your neck so God can do the judging a little sooner.”
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I haven’t been to see them for Christmas or Thanksgiving in years. I no longer speak to my dad’s side of the family. I’ve had trucks pull up next to me at stoplights and, seeing the pride sticker on my car, through old drinks and garbage into my window. Things are better, but they’re not perfect. The day he turned 18, he packed up everything he had and walked to my house, and we’ve lived together ever since. He suffered a lot of physical abuse during those years. Although he was an incredibly talented student, he was prohibited from participating in any extracurriculars. Throughout high school, Dom’s stepmother intensified these efforts. Efforts were made to keep me from seeing Dom. My, “I don’t know,” earned a call to my parents, and I was outed. Instead of sending me to the nurse, the teacher sent me to the assistant principal to explain the situation. The year I met him, some kids in the grade above me held me down against the bleachers in our gym and stomped on my hand until my fingers broke. I remember thinking, “I better keep my mouth shut about these feelings I’m having.”Īnd then I met Dominic when I was 12, and people could see how in love we were. I was still a kid when Matthew Shepard’s story was being covered on the news. Look, I’m a bisexual man in a gay relationship, and I’m approaching 30. Since joining Tumblr, I’ve met a lot of young queer people.